Finding My Voice: The Musician Pt.1

My venture into the music world started in the 8th grade.  Peek of tween insecurity mixed with loads of angst…  I grew up in a house that constantly had music playing, albeit primarily 80′s music (a slight difference from the stuff most of my friends’ parents listened to– Beatles, Rolling Stones.. etc.) and I wanted to learn!

Sketch taken from Toothpaste for Dinner

My dad has played his acoustic Fender for years.  He used to practice in the basement and I would lay on the floor and listen as the music poured out of the floor vents.  It was one of my favorite things to do.  When I was 12 he started to teach me how to play too.  At the time I was 4’5″ and just under 70lbs… I was a TINY thing.  I could barely wrap my fingers around the neck.  There’s a picture of me learning how to play hanging on the fridge back home– I’d post it here if it… wasn’t hanging on the fridge back home.  (Maybe I’ll pester the parents into scanning and sending it so you can see).  I used to rest my chin on the body of the guitar.

When I was in middle school I was insanely shy and reserved.  I was the essence of all that is “fly-on-the-wall.”  It sucked.  I don’t know why I felt like I couldn’t speak– I just couldn’t!  My friends wanted to start a band (oh yeah!) and I was to be one of the lead singers and guitarists.  GULP.  At least the pressure was off a little because I wasn’t the only vocalist.  I was so nervous that I would sing songs underneath the dining room table.  On occasion, I had even been known to lace the microphone cord under the door and sing in the hallway.  I was a mess and it kept me from doing a lot of things.

Why do we do this?  Are we scared of failure?  Are we scared of success?  Is it that saying I WANT TO BE ON STAGE sounds… too needy and show-off-ish?  I don’t know the answer.

I was stuck.

All I knew was that I always felt like I needed to be on stage and that that wasn’t going to happen if I couldn’t even raise my hand in class without wanting to vom.