Autumn by Lori411 via Etsy

Fall is my favorite month– by far.  There’s something about hot apple cider that warms the soul… aside from the fact that it’s “hot” which would make it, I guess, naturally warming.  There’s something about the smell of the falling leaves and the blush your cheeks get when it’s chilly outside.  I love it.

I’ve noticed, with my creative pursuits (most of which you cannot see via this blog because it’s mostly all MENTAL), that I haven’t been enjoying fall.  This is no good.  I can’t take fall for granted.  We didn’t even get one last year!  (Thanks, Global Warming.)  This is why I am declaring November my NO month.

No more feeling obligated to be creative. 
— Do you see how that doesn’t even make sense?  Oh yes, I will go home and take these hours to be creative… these designated hours.  It’s like saying… I’m going to take time to… to be short!  I just am.  The more I tell myself I have to reflect on anything the more it makes me feel awkward, gives me the heeby jeebies, the more I question my integrity, the more I DON’T WANNA!

No more Google Reader.
— I live and breathe Google Reader.  When they made their SLIGHT visual changes this past week, my heart fluttered a little bit because I resist change.  After realizing.. okay… you’re fine, your subscriptions are safe, I went back to enjoying again– but, Yes, that did happen.  I love Google Reader but sometimes it overwhelms me.  Intimidates.  Scares the bleepity-bleep outta me.  I follow fascinating people.  It’s like 24/7+ inspiration.  I feed off of that inspiration but you know around, well around this time of year, when you stuff your face with all of that turkey and cranberry sauce and heaps of mashed potatoes and every first bite tastes like heaven and makes you feel alive… but then eventually, before you know it, you’re bloated and tired and kind of feel like finding the nearest corner and taking a moment to sit and reflect on what you just did.  Maybe turkey is a bad example because it makes you naturally tired and that’s certainly not the parallel I’m trying to make.  Google Reader is the doorway to so much inspiration that instead of being inspired on my own terms it allows me to soak up everyone else’s creativity until I fall into a creativity coma… Which would then lead to a big, Holy crap, Heather, stop reading about creativity and just BE creative. Google Reader, for me, is best in small doses… but for November, I’m gonna have to say No all-together.  (Which of course doesn’t mean I still won’t be stopping in on my inspiration faves from time to time separately, just not as one long list of pending posts to read.)

No more e-courses (but, oh how I love thee).
— E-courses are still a recently discovered love.  I took my first one a few months ago and fell head over heels for the sucker.  Online communities, where I can meet people like me, and we can have conversations from locations all around the world… um, AWESOME!  I loved that first e-course so much that I signed up for…. SIX more… and an online book club.  WHOA.  Talk about needing to schedule creative time (which we’ve already decided doesn’t work for me).  I delved into each for about two weeks a piece and then backed away completely.  My evenings consisted of:  You have to go finish exercise 7 of Course B.  Didn’t you see that email survey for that week you completely didn’t get around to participating in for Course D?  Don’t forget all of the material from Course A will be taken offline in 10 days… TEN DAYS, HEATHER.  I know your mind is telling you guitar would be a really good option for today but you can’t play guitar until you finish X, but you really can’t finish X until you’ve finished Y but you haven’t even started Z so how could you really finish X in a way that will be satisfying with Z looming behind you.

I, Heather Astorga, do declare that for the month of November, I will only DO what I FEEL like doing.  I will not work on my creative endeavors unless I feel like it.  I will not feel guilty about this decision.  I will listen to my mind and my body and tell them to shut up when they start to bicker and fill my head with “shoulds” and other silly self-projected obligations.  I will relax (or at least try since it isn’t really part of my chemical make-up).  And most importantly, I will enjoy the heck out of fall!

What if the problem is that, as a girl, your society limits your worth and your opportunities. 

We have a serious problem… but I think we’ve found a solution:

The Girl Effect is looking to help change the course of history by educating women and fighting poverty.  Research shows that educated mothers are more likely to send their children to school, thus creating a ripple effect.  As Anita shows, it starts with one girl.  The first girl in her village to go to school, she is now a business owner, inspiring other girls to strive for an education.

For most girls of third world countries, their issues are serious.  While most young girls are worrying about boys, there are girls out there being forced into marriages at the age of 13.  Pregnancy is the leading cause of death for girls ages 15-18.  Think about that, while you were  giggling in health class learning about condoms and fallopian tubes.  Married girls are dying from unhealthy pregnancies, giving birth, and AIDS.  In some countries a woman’s body is not even considered her own property.

Statistically, when a girl in a developing world receives seven or more years of education, she marries four years later and has 2.2 fewer children.  The health risk of pregnancies is lower as is the number of children making it is easier for families to provide for a flourishing future.  Again, The Ripple Effect.  It has also been found that, on average, a woman of a developing world will give 90% of all of their earnings to their family.  In essence: Give a girl a chance to survive, to be educated, and to flourish and that girl will become a woman who gives back.

See how you can help start the cycle.  See how you can give back.

How Can You Give Back?  Donate.  If you don’t have money to donate (remember, even the smallest helps), donate your time.  Spread the word.  Write a blog post.  Tweet a message.  Hold a fundraiser.  Put this on your Christmas list.  Ask for donations in lieu of presents.  I do not own a business, I do not sell a product, but when I do, I will donate a portion of my earnings to this organization because I believe in it.  I know how much an education has helped me and the only thing holding me back was myself.

To learn more about The Girl Effect visit: http://www.girleffect.org/question

To see what others bloggers have to say about The Girl Effect, take a look  The Girl Effect Campaign.

I met Michele through an incredible e-course, taught by the lovely Liv Lane, called How to Build a Blog You Truly Love.  (So many goodies– can’t wait to show you all of my new blog ideas!!  All in a matter of time, my friends, all in a matter of time.) A post about my BBTL experience will be coming about soon!  But for now, to any and all bloggers out there, trust me, you’re gonna want to CHECK IT OUT!  A new e-course will be coming this fall.

It was there that Michele tackled technological issues (that, for me, a non-techy person, usually make my head spin!).  I can’t explain how much Michele’s insight has helped me.  When I first started pursuing blogging words like “host” and “domain” and “ftp” were tossed about.  Being a somewhat literal-minded person (a total wordy) I kept thinking… host… host as in… the person that runs the party and makes guests feel comfortable?… like a writer!  Sure… host as in the writer of a blog as in– me!  Ahem…Well, no… that isn’t quite right and Michele’s expertise sure cleared up all of my confusion.

To learn more about Michele, her awesome web designs, or perhaps take a class at Be Inspired U, check out her website! You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter!

I’ve been known to over-think everything, which is half the reason why I’m the world’s worst decision maker.  When I was younger I had a hard time separating myself from… well, myself.  The idea that the “me” in pictures was the “me” that everyone saw day-to-day confused, surprised, and elated me.  I spent so much time stuck in my own head I only recognized the emotions and thoughts and not the body and the way I presented myself to the world.

This is what people see?  That’s really what I look like?

I’m slowly getting over my fear of being in front of the lens.  After embracing the internal it was time to embrace the external.  Let the curls go wild and start cheesin’.

How to Get Over Being Camera Shy in 3 Steps:

• Take a look at yourself.  Know that any “imperfections” you may see aren’t imperfections at all, they make you you, they make you unique, and they make you beautiful.  I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have crazy curls, super expressive faces, and two different shaped eyes (no seriously, it’s really something).  Own it and embrace it.
• Turn off your brain.  Don’t over think things… People who over think at photo shoots end up posing or cheeseballing it up.  Don’t think about that last magazine you read or the poster of that model that was hanging on your high school boyfriend’s wall.  You’re freaking gorgeous and you don’t need to be like anyone else but you!  Just remember to breathe and be yourself.  What you can’t see in these images (lovingly, patiently taken by my best friend Amanda) are the shots of me puffing my cheeks, crossing my eyes, and stomping around in a circle because I’m super awkward.  Next time I’ll be sure we snap those shots.
• Practice.  Schedule a photo shoot with your best friend, like I did.  Find someone you can be yourself around.  Someone who gets your jokes.  Someone who won’t throw things at you when you keep unintentionally raising your eyebrows like Groucho Marx.  The more you’re in front of the camera, the more comfortable you’ll get.

3 Things You’ll Regret by Letting Your Camera-Shyness Get the Best of You:

• Your memories will only be in your head.  Pictures are great portals into the past.
• When you actually need a picture of yourself, have fun sharing your senior portrait. You wanna talk about awkward photos– Nothing screams “you” like a velvet sack the rest of the senior class and every senior class before you was forced to wear.
• Once you (you gorgeous, Renaissance Soul, you) make it big (because I know you will), your book publisher, tour/theatre manager (you get the idea) will need some lovely prints.  Don’t start your portrait practices when you’re under a deadline.  It takes many many moons to control those eyebrows (and some, cough, may require a lot more time).

In Summation: Embrace Your Face! Be beautiful you.  Be bold.  Be brave.  Breathe.

Hal Chase, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, and William S. Burroughs at Columbia

We studied creative writing at a very small, private university which allowed us to become close friends with our professors and fellow classmates.  There were only three other creative writers in our department (Hi, Jamie, Kev and Bri!).  We had no choice but to be completely vulnerable to one another, finding strength and comfort in small numbers and open hearts.  Personally, I find there to be nothing more vulnerable than sharing my writing… except maybe singing… yeah, it’s definitely a close call.

We had dinner at a small Italian restaurant we used to frequent while in school.  You know the one– the town favorite with pasta bowls larger than your face and enough water refills to fill a small pool– the best!  I live four blocks away from said restaurant, but back in the day, this was our creative escape from the gangsta hullabaloo that surrounded our collegiate campus.  Perhaps, those stories will be in a different blog post.  I’m sure I can fit them in somehow… Finding Your Voice & Kicking the Crazy Woman Who Hi-Jacked Your Car Out Of Your Car… that may be a two part-er. 

But in all seriousness– that restaurant brings back memories.  Both Jen & I (yes, she has a name!) and a face (see below) had some pretty interesting times gorging ourselves with pasta at that restaurant.

Every time a visiting writer came to campus we took them to this small Italian restaurant.  One long table, lots of creative voices.  Every dinner was amazing.  We talked about the practice of writing, why and how we do it, challenges and triumphs… and why my eyebrows… look like wings?  I’m looking at you, Thomas Sayers Ellis!  We learned how to take on the voice of other cultures and time periods like West Virginia coal miners, with Diane Gilliam Fisher and tackled music and the Romantics with Dan Albergotti.  You couldn’t help but waddle out onto the small town street full of ideas, energy and tiramisu (naturally).

Last night, two writer friends reminisced about that creative energy and all the possibilities we had in front of us.  Two years later, we’re still able to feel sparks of that inspiration and newness. 

(Cover your eyes, Dr. C)  I haven’t written in a LONG time.  I won’t start spitting dates, but trust me, it’s long overdue.  When I was in school I felt like I was on the incline of a roller coaster.  I got my diploma and it’s been nothing but the headache of having bills to pay, decisions to make (ew), and dishes to clean.  It’s easy to lose yourself.  I felt like a fraud.  How could I say I feel most myself when I’m writing and not actively choose to write?  How could I say that I am a writer if I only pick up a pen when signing checks and scribbling to-do lists?

Note: This May be a sign of productivity.

Catching up with Jen I realized that I am not a fraud just because I haven’t written a poem in a while.  It also made me realize that, as a Creative, there is nothing more important than finding “your people.”  Not everyone is an artist and not everyone can justify (and has to frequently) why they prefer staying up until three in the morning when everyone’s asleep because it’s the best time to create.  It’s okay to work differently.  It’s okay to stare at the corner of your room where the ceiling connects to the wall and claim that as your creative process.  Find your people and support your people.  Keep the inspiration and the confidence going so that you, as an artist, can keep going.

Find Your People:

• Creatives need creatives.
• Creatives are not your competitors.  No one can write the perfect poem or paint the perfect picture.
• Creatives are like-minded souls who know where you’re coming from.
• Creatives are just as scared and vulnerable as you are.  Only when you embrace your vulnerability and allow yourself to be open can you create wonderful things.

Where to Find Your Peeps:

• Attend classes about things that you care about.  You don’t need to attend a university to do this.  There a ton of e-course opportunities that allow you the chance to connect with others globally.  Take a look at Skill Share to see if there’s something that interests you!  (Thanks, Dr. Utell!)
• Go to places you care about.  If you’re a film buff, see if there is a film discussion group or special film event in the near future.  Explore museums.
• Volunteer.  “Your Peeps” don’t have to be “Creatives” to inspire.
• Try a site like Meet Up, where you can do fun things like join a bicycling club (not that physical activity is typically something I’m drawn to).  Don’t let the name fool you– it’s not a dating service!  It’s a friend finder.  Can doing mutual fun things that you love lead to a date finder– well sure, if that’s what you’re looking for… but don’t discount this site, if you’re not.
• Attention Everyone: LinkedIn is not just for business!  Find a group that interests you, you never know what opportunities may open up.

Disclaimer:  Yes, I hold two BA’s in English and Creative Writing and I am perfectly aware that I switched tenses at least five times throughout this post.  You’ll find that I do this often.  Not only am I writing for you, lovely audience, I’m writing to and for myself and it’s just where my writing takes me.    It’s a bad habit, but if you’re comfortable, I’m comfortable not breaking it.

Take care!  Or shall I say Ciao!  No, no… that was a little strange, I probably shouldn’t say Ciao.

Sketch taken from Toothpaste for Dinner

My dad has played his acoustic Fender for years.  He used to practice in the basement and I would lay on the floor and listen as the music poured out of the floor vents.  It was one of my favorite things to do.  When I was 12 he started to teach me how to play too.  At the time I was 4’5″ and just under 70lbs… I was a TINY thing.  I could barely wrap my fingers around the neck.  There’s a picture of me learning how to play hanging on the fridge back home– I’d post it here if it… wasn’t hanging on the fridge back home.  (Maybe I’ll pester the parents into scanning and sending it so you can see).  I used to rest my chin on the body of the guitar.

When I was in middle school I was insanely shy and reserved.  I was the essence of all that is “fly-on-the-wall.”  It sucked.  I don’t know why I felt like I couldn’t speak– I just couldn’t!  My friends wanted to start a band (oh yeah!) and I was to be one of the lead singers and guitarists.  GULP.  At least the pressure was off a little because I wasn’t the only vocalist.  I was so nervous that I would sing songs underneath the dining room table.  On occasion, I had even been known to lace the microphone cord under the door and sing in the hallway.  I was a mess and it kept me from doing a lot of things.

Why do we do this?  Are we scared of failure?  Are we scared of success?  Is it that saying I WANT TO BE ON STAGE sounds… too needy and show-off-ish?  I don’t know the answer.

I was stuck.

All I knew was that I always felt like I needed to be on stage and that that wasn’t going to happen if I couldn’t even raise my hand in class without wanting to vom.

Have one too many hats?

One of the defining traits of a Renaissance Soul is the inability to narrow down passions.  We Renaissance Souls like to wear a lot of hats!  Please Note: THIS IS NOT A BAD THING.  Ahem.  However, carrying around too many hats, as Bartholomew Cubbins discovers, can get you into some pretty hot water.  In today’s society, this does not necessarily mean a threaten of execution by a stubborn king, but difficulties nonetheless.

Let me stretch the comparison here just a tad.  As we all know, or at least those of us who grew up on Dr. Suess, Bartholomew tried to remove his hat.  He didn’t want to disappoint the king.  He also really wanted to keep his head in tact.  Please note Dr. Suess’ introduction to The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins:

In the beginning, Bartholomew Cubbins didn’t have five hundred hats.  He had only one hat.  It was an old one that had belonged to his father and his father’s father before him.  It was probably the oldest and the plainest hat in the whole Kingdom of Didd, where Bartholomew Cubbins lived. But Bartholomew liked it–especially because of the feather that always pointed straight up in the air.

Bartholomew, always aiming to please, liked his one hat.  It represented tradition passed down through generations.  Although Bartholomew didn’t know this in the beginning, this tradition didn’t suit him.  It wasn’t until everyone tried to make him remove his hat, or stretchhhh, the presence of tradition, phew bare with me, that he was able to discover his myriad of hats.  The more pressure he had to remove his hat, or follow tradition, the more beautiful the hats became.

Do you ever feel pressured to remove your hats or narrow down and select only your favorites?  Do people around you understand that it isn’t your decision to remove these hats?  I’m not going to fib and say that wearing multiple hats is easy, it can be quite difficult.  But it has never felt up to me.  It has always been a deeper drive to continue wearing them, one that’s out of my control. Fortunately, I’ve always felt supported with my multi-hat-wearing.

Has something beautiful come out of embracing yours hats?  Have you, like Bartholomew, received your 500 pieces of gold?  Hold tight, I have faith that you will.

Fashionable Hats Found in my (Current) Closet:

• Writer
• Musician
• Artist
• Social Media Darling
• Entrepreneur
• Actress

What hats are you currently wearing?

The shell must break before the bird can fly.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Tennyson, one of the most loved Victorian poets, offers up a great lesson to all budding entrepreneurs.  Go for it.  Don’t be shy.  Don’t be afraid.  You can accomplish great things, if you have faith in yourself and take the next step.

My Next Step
I’m still figuring out my entrepreneurial game plan.  I have no set path.  I wear many hats, but none better than the other.  I’m afraid of many things and worry more than most.  At my current state, I’m excited about my future and whole-heartily believe that it’s healthy to be a little nervous.  I think it’s part of the process.

Top 5 Things I’m Afraid of Today (and Why They Don’t Matter)

1. Not being good enough.
2. Losing the security of a 9-5 job.
3. Investing too much of myself into my projects and not having time for others.
4. Losing the ability to save for a future.
5. Never making an impact.

The above list is my honest answers.  It’s okay to be afraid of change as well as challenges.  However, that list isn’t the be-all-end-all; it doesn’t matter.  It matters because honest feelings matter.  It matters because I value my own beliefs.  But that list will not stop me.

Reasons Why My Top 5 Shouldn’t Scare Me

1. I’m never going to be good enough and feel accomplished if I don’t try.  It’s always better to try.
2. In this economy, when is there ever security in a 9-5 job?  It’s better to find security within myself and who I am as a person than security in an office chair and a free supply of coffee.
3. If I don’t have projects, I don’t feel like myself.  Therefore, if I limit my projects to spend with other people, would it really be <me> they’re spending time with?  It’s all about time management.
4. I’m investing in myself and that’s never a bad thing.
5. See Answer #1.  Every living being makes an impact in some way or another.  You don’t have to find a specific niche and excel at one thing to leave an impression on the world.  You have to keep being you and do your best, whatever that entails.  The rest will fall into place.

What is holding you back?  What are you afraid of? What do you need to break free from?

Renaissance:  I first heard this term back in the 4th grade in social studies (a fancy term for history).  Now I’m channeling venn diagrams and blank maps of the United States.  ANYWHO– back to Renaissance.  THE AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT.  Words that come to mind include: culture, art, history, science, literature… (Can you hear the this and the that and the this and the that repetition? Hold on to that, we’ll return to it later.)

Leonardo Da Vinci

Historical rock stars like Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo Buonarroti, and Galileo Galilei may also come to mind.  Noted in history as Renaissance Men, these educated individuals excelled in a variety of subjects.  They pushed themselves to the max to expand their knowledge and embrace their true potential.

Soul: “the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans” (thank you, Dictionary.com).

A Modern Day Renaissance Soul is a person who, like da Vinci and other great Renaissance leaders, wants to explore their true potential by tackling a lot of interests.  They have a voracious appetite for learning and an insatiable desire for new experiences and opportunities. They want a little bit of this and a whole lot of that.

In a nutshell, we are people whose number-one career or hobby choice is “Please don’t make me choose!” — Margaret Lobenstein “The Renaissance Soul”

Don’t Make Me Choose?!– Hey that sounds familiar! 

Are you a Renaissance Soul?  Go find out!  Ms. Lobenstein put together an awesome little quiz to help.

Joseph Severn's miniature of Keats, 1819

I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart’s affections, and the truth of imagination.
- John Keats